I went and saw Stonehenge this weekend and it was amazing, but I will upload those pictures later. I haven't much to say at this point, except to express what is written below and feel better knowing that people I care about are reading about me (I shall call this blog my umbilical cord)~
Things didn't go so well at Cambridge, actually it was nightmare. Basically, I slept on a bench in Homerton college in Cambridge due to a communication breakdown (Rachel's phone was stolen a few weeks ago). The next morning, Rachel said she didn't love me anymore and then we broke up. I don't know what else to say. I feel like a fool... actually, I suppose I am a fool. I went against everybodies' advice, even my own and fell in love with a girl who was too young, and was just starting a new life at school. Yeah she was young, so what was I to expect? She has been my anchor since I came here and now suddenly I feel so alone again. I know how to live for someone else, but I don't think I know how to live for myself. I guess this is something I have to learn because lately I feel like I am back to my old self-loathing. She was an amazing girl and she has so much ahead of her. How did I fuck things up? I tried so hard. I loved her so much... all I know is that after all these years guarding against an emotion that I knew was volitile, I have now experienced it firsthand. Better to have loved and lost? I say the latter... I'll never love again.
Now on to Italy and brighter horizons, I hope~
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6 comments:
Clint, this shouldn't be up. Please take this post down.
Sorry to hear that Clint, I truly am. It probably wasn't anything you did, like you said, she is young and just starting college and all, she has alot of soul searching to do, and it is unfortunate that you were thrown in the middle of it.
but, I would encourage you to not lose sight yourself. I know how you sometimes have a tendency to only focus on your current plight or your current bliss, and right now you are dwelling on the plight.
If anything, your whole trip to Europe would seem like a broadening experience, look how much opportunity there is out there, look at how much there is too see, and feel. You have done some amazing stuff, and I know that most people wish they could say they went to Italy, fell in love, and got their heart broken and then be left with another character building story of one's life.
Thanks for the kind words, Jonny. I'm better now, mang and my sanity is restored. Sorry for my silly blog, I know Derek, but just I figured i'm on a journey and this outta be documented too. Too late now...
Clint, it's my opinion that youth is to be lived passionately. And why stop with youth, but that's another story.
You seem to live 100% in the here and now. I would call that living with passion. I'd say you're doing it right. You may meet your soul mate on the continent but probably not likely. Besides, why be in such a hurry?
Don't let these things harden you because what is life without passion? I don't even want to know...
"You must sometimes fail to succeed" and "that be the realist sh-t I ever wrote..." from Ruesel & Tupac
Haha, man you guys are the shit. I will let go, I have to let go..
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